So life changed quite a bit...

Heyo!

Yeah, I know, it's been ages.  So much so that probably I should start another blog... But then, I think it could be actually pretty great just having this update in here and, who knows, maybe I'll stick to it this time?! I dunno, but everything starts with a first step, so here we go!

I'm back here because I'm in a new stage of my life and I want to share. I feel like there's so much I want to talk about, so much I want for people to know, specially people who might go through what I did, maybe they'll find my post helpful, reassuring... maybe that they are not alone. And before we get there, no, it's not actually anything terrible. It was something I wanted for a long time, and I'm happy to get where I am, but the road there and here now is so much harder than I could have ever imagined...

I'm also writing here because just in the past few months my feelings regarding everything in my life changed so much, I wished I had written my thoughts somewhere, so I can look back and see how I was feeling back then, versus what I feel right now. Hang in there, I'll give quick updates, and in the near future I'll probably come back to explore some of these things in more detail.

Well, what happened since I last updated? .... where do I even start.... maybe I'll make a quick list with the big things in more or less chronological order.

Since my last post, I have:

1) Run 2 races, entered to a Synchronized Swimming club and competed with a team

2) Defended my thesis and got a postdoc position in Caltech, CA

3) Moved from Canada to the USA, then moved in with my now husband 

4) Yes, we got married

5) Got my green card

6) Got pregnant and gave birth to the most beautiful boy (in my opinion)

7) Lost a lot of weight and gained it all back again (yay! ><)

Anyway, as you can see, that was a lot. And that is the summarized version. I'm currently learning to deal with motherhood and my career, and oh man... this is hard. And that is why I'm writing now.

Becoming a mother, while it was a dream for me, was so, so, SO HARD. Many things made it worse, like not having my Family around to help (yay pandemic.. ), not knowing ANYTHING PRACTICAL about dealing with a newborn (read as much as you want, nothing can ever prepare you..), struggling with baby blues and almost falling into the postpartum depression (or maybe having some episodes, is it normal to cry for hours at end because you can't breastfeed, you can't calm your baby, you don't know why he's crying, are you doing something wrong? Is he sick? What do I do now???)...

It was.... it was tough. And I want to write somewhere, I want to share my story, because while there are already some accounts that are a bit more raw regarding motherhood and postpartum, I want to share it was well to anyone that is struggling, anyone that may feel inadequate as I did, as I learned to deal with my precious baby, because it's not all great... actually, in the beginning very little is, but they do get better, and you can make it.

Anyway, I'm going to stop here for now. Hopefully I'll be back again really soon with more detailed posts.... but I felt like doing this today, so here it it. 

See ya!

Carla's Fitness Project! Day 2

Howdy!

I know, I should have updated this before, but because I couldn't make to Aikido this week, didn't see much of a point to make a quick post about it. If you ask why I didn't go, my first quick answer would be "I was working", which sounds noble (or at least responsible). But if you continue staring at me after this answer, I'll have to say that I was working because I had a lack of motivation through the morning so the work pile up in the end of the day. Apparently I'm really good in finding ways out of stuff I need to do but I'm too lazy to do it. *sigh*

Well, I'm also going to bed way too late from what I need, and that never helps. I also need some studying time to be included in my daily schedule, so... I have a LOT to work on.

Good news is that I manage to complete the day 2 of the push ups. Weird enough today my arms and shoulders aren't aching as they were the first time I did it, and honestly I don't know how to interpret that: does it mean those muscles are being worked more regularly so, it does make sense they would stop aching after the first attempts? Or am I doing the push ups wrong? I've been doing the push ups standing on my knees, not my toes. The program allows you to do it, because in the end the goal is to improve the number of push ups you can do, so that doesn't matter much. The problem is that, if I do it on my toe, than I have NO WAY to do more than one. Honestly, I can barely hold myself up that way. Should I try standing ob my toes and work slowly from there? Or should I continue on my knees until I build more strength and control over my upper body, and then use this in the future to do the real push ups?

So many questions! If anyone has answers for those, please leave on the comments!

So, just we don't lose track:

May 22, 2014 activities:
- completed day 2 from push up program quite nicely

Kissus!

Carla's Fitness Project! Day 1

Howdy!

Day 1 started well, although a bit slow. My diet could be better, but I seriously don't want to go in that direction just yet, I'll control where I can, and try to resist cravings. For the exercise, things went ok, not perfect but definitely not a disaster.

May 19th, 2014 activities:

-50 min walk around campus (including going up a hill)
-Push up goal for day one complete with a bit a struggle.

Let's see how I feel tomorrow. The goal is to go to Aikido.

Kissus!

Carla's Fitness Project! Day -1

Howdy!

Today I want to talk about what the project, in this initial phase, actually means, plus adding some information about myself (weight, height, what I have done so far, etc).

My ultimate goal is to make exercises part of my everyday routine, eat better (healthier, and less - I do eat a lot) and feel better about myself.

I've tried many things, and the ones the showed better results were always the small changes that with time became part of what I do normally, so I decide to use this approach.

To show how the "baby steps" approach works better the full change one, here's a little story:

When I was younger, my mom started dieting and suggested I changed the sugar I added in the morning coffee latte for artificial sweetener. She always added on hers 2 packets, but I found out early enough that i didn't like the residual taste sweeteners have, so I added only one packet. It took me a a couple of weeks to really get used to that, but eventually lattes with sugar were waaaay too sweet for me. Years passed, and today I'm not a fan of sweeteners (because of many studies showing they don't really help in weight loss, and because everything tastes funny with that crap), and I started using small amounts of sugar in beverages that are way too bitter to be drank by themselves (like coffee). But with the latte, considering I'm adding milk to coffee anyway, I decided to drink it without any kind of sugary boost. I'm not going to lie, it took me some months not to squint when I gave the first sip every morning, but now I'm totally used to it.

I'm not saying that if you're really motivated the radical changes don't work. But the key here is to keep yourself motivated even when results are not seen. When you cut out everything that is unhealthy from your diet, you'll get depressed eventually, SPECIALLY when you don't see any change in weight/clothes sizes. You eventually get yourself thinking that "all that sacrifice I'm doing is not paying off", and then when you next check you had ate a Big Mac with big fries and a big Coke. Some people manage not to loose their motivation, but I'm not one of them.

Enough of stories now, let's get to business.

My workout plan is simple enough (although it is NEVER simple when you spent the past 15 years sitting in front of a pc instead of exercising):
-Walk at least 2x per week, for at least 30 min (aiming for an hour, including walking up hills). Try to jog as much as I can, the final goal is to be able to run these same distances.
-Be able to do push-ups
-Go to Aikido at least once a week.

Aikido is something I started training when I was 20, and I managed to get my yellow belt by the Federação Paulista de Aikido. But after that I would stay months away, come back for 3 or 4 weeks, and disappear again. Then, when I moved to Canada, I found out the downtown's YMCA have twice a week Aikido training. The sensei is really nice and knowledgeable, but because I've been away for so long, I continued doing the "come one week, disappear for 5". It bugs me when I roll over on the ground, something I never had so much problems, and my knee starts aching. I know that if I go more often, the problems will mostly go away. But, for now, I just want to make sure I go once a week.

For walking, I want to enjoy the nice weather that Edmonton lacks so much. The short term objective is to be able to cross the bridge and do some pretty massive stairs climbing (I'll put pictures in the future).

And for the push ups, I will do the one hundred push ups program. I don't think the 7 week goal will work, but I'm positive that by the end of summer I'll be really good, and even able to do it.


Ok, enough of talking, where do I stand now?

As of 18th of May, 2014 I am:

-260 lbs (118 kg)
-able to walk fast, but to jog for less than a minute
-able to do less than 3 push ups without collapsing on the floor.

Yeah, it is a pretty lame start, but let's see how it goes, ok?

I'll give at least small updates through the week, and a long post over the weekend. So, wish me luck but also will power!

Kissus!

Carla's Fitness Project! Intro

Howdy everyone!

Or just me, after so much time I think I'm the only one here...

BUT I'M BACK!

... kinda.

I'm not going to make an update on my life, it would take too long. Let's just say it had its ups and downs, but everything is alright.

What made me write to you (and me) today is the idea I had to help me be more healthy. You'll probably know I'm not a small woman. Nope, I'm very very fat indeed. And for those making fun of the fat people around, we're not fat because we want it. It's hard to change. That's why I'll start a step at a time, and my first goal is to make exercises part of my life. I've been trying for a while now, but today I remembered something Vivi told me some months ago. She told me about this girl that was training for a karate competition, and that she was posting everyday on Facebook how much she had worked out. We discussed how much this helps see the amount you achieved, for a diet or a workout routine, more than just weighing yourself every week. Specially because weigh is one of the last thing to actually change when you change your habits.

Anyway, I completely forgot about that until now, that I decided to start a not heavy but known to be efficient workout (I'll get in details in my following posts).  I decided to use part of the blog as a diary, so that in the days I'm feeling not so good I can look back and see how much I actually achieved, and hopefully I won't give up.

I just wanted to write down my plans, when I actually have more time and maybe not at work (ooops!), I'll write down my initial measurements and my plans in a following post!

Kissus!

Ps1: I'm writing down in English, and not in Portuguese, because 1) Aaron can read this way; 2) my friends should be able to follow (Brazilians, Canadians and Americans)  and 3) I can tell my mom about my achievements by Skype ;0)

Ps2: I will write again about my life in North America, that's why I'm making this project inside this blog, and not just make a new one. 

Coisas que vc soh entende quando estah na America do Norte - 1

Howdy!

Resolvi criar essa serie, assim posso publicar coisas rapidas e cotidianas e eu nao deixo o blog as moscas. E tambem porque, no dia-a-dia, me peguei pensando varias vezes como muitas coisas que estou fazendo agora em lembra filmes que assisti, e que nao entendia muito pq sempre mostravam isso. Por exemplo...

A importancia do Starbucks

Nao que seja soh o Starbucks, mas qualquer "coffee shop". Todo mundo jah deve ter visto pelo menos 2 filmes em que vc ve os personagens carregando um cafe, que pode ser do starbucks ou generico. Eu sempre ahcei muito engracado, como se eles num tomassem cafe em casa.

Bom, eh mais ou menos por ai.

Como tudo eh meio barato aqui, e vc consegue um cafe da manha tao rapido qto um sanduiche no McDonald's (literalmente), as vezes realmente vale mais a pena tomar cafe da manha na rua. Principalmente no final de semana, qdo vc tah sem saco de acordar cedo mas precisa pq precisa ir no mercado ou coisa assim. Vc perde entre 5 a 10 minutos, mas tem o cafe da manha no caminho, e carrega o seu copo de cafe por ai.

Alem disso, durante a semana, a maoria de nos eh movida por cafeina. E um cafezinho de manha antes de sair de casa nao vai conseguir manter vc acordado o dia todo.

Nao que eu nao precisasse de cafe antes, no Brasil (o Zeh sabe muito bem que faltava pouco eu injetar cafe direto na veia), mas como no Canada o cafe consegue ser MAIS FRACO que nos Estados Unidos (maior desgosto, Ari... ><), fica dificil fazer um cafe puro que nao me de vontade de chorar. E ai que Starbucks e companhia entram. Por 4 doletas eu tomo um Mocha, que na minha opniao tem a medida certa entre cafe e chocolate. Ou um caramel machiato.

Agora, pra quem gosta de cafe forte, NAO TOMEM CAFE NO TIM HOURTONS. Tim Hourtons eh uma franquia de cafe e donuts que os Canadenses sao tao viciados que fazem frente ao McDonald's (e Tim Hourtons nem tem opcao pra almoco, vejam soh..). Mas o cafe eh uma merda. Serio, eh jogar dinheiro no lixo. Comprem apenas os Donuts.

A opcao eh o Second Cup, tb canadense, tb mais ou menos em cada esquina, e tem cafes muito bons. Inclusive vende graos de cafe torrados do Brasil, e tem um cafe preto chamado "Paradiso", que vem da America do Sul. Ainda eh um pouco fraco, mas o gosto eh bem familiar e alivia a saudades do cafezinho de mamae.

Enfim, era isso. Logo mais escrevo de novo!

Keelah se'lai!

Capulin!!!

Howdy!!!

Pessoal, vcs tem que me perdoar, fiquei muito sem tempo, sem pique, sem... nada! Era pra eu ter postado isso no Valentine's day... olha que coisa zuada. Mas, enfim, antes tarde do que nunca, nem vou editar o que estah aqui pra baixo. Espero que vcs gostem!

------
Eh, as atualizações ainda estão meio lerdas, mas geeente.... to trabalhando tanto, meus pais ficariam orgulhosos! Ou temeriam um Tsunami. Talvez me culpem pelos temporais em São Paulo... enfim!

Decidi escrever hoje porque é dia de São Valentim, o famoso "Valentine's Day", comemorado em praticamente todo o mundo exceto  Brasil. Mas a gente tem o Santo Antônio, quem precisa do São Valentim?

Bom, eu acho que, apesar do Brasil ser um país laico que tem uma PENCA de feriados Católicos, nós deveriamos ter não soh o dia de São Valentim como também o dia de São Patrício! SIM! COM MUITA CERVEJA E... erm... hmm... deixa pra lá.

Digo, deixa pra lá naquelas, pq aqui no Canadá eles comemoram o dia do São Patrício, e eu farei questão de homenagea-lo com uma boa cerveja irlandesa... Mas só uma, mesmo pq elas são caras pra burro... ><'

Mas, deixando o santo dos beberrões de lado, e voltando ao santo dos apaixonados, pra comemorar o Dia do Amor, contarei pra vocês da minha viagem ao monte Capulin, no Novo México, e como fiquei noiva.

Tudo bem, é brega, eu sei, mas sou uma mulher apaixonada e ser brega nessas circunstâncias é obrigatório. E direi de quem reclamar que é pura dor de cotovelo! =P

Portanto, quem num quiser saber detalhes, pode só ver as fotos.

Pois bem, a histórioa do meu noivado é um pouco fora dos padrões, porque nós dois já sabiamos que queriamos casar e tal antes da proposta. E também, não sei quantos séculos demoraria pro Aaron me pedir em casamento se ele num soubesse com mais de 80% de certeza que a minha resposta seria "sim".Mas também, quem é que tem coragem de enfrentar um "friendzone" depois de tanto tempo juntos?

Pois bem, eu fui pros Estados Unidos sabendo que sairia de lá noiva, com planos para se casar em 2012, e eu estava disposta até a ajudar a escolher o anel (eu não queria algo caro, mas tinha que ser bunitinho, né?), mas o Aaron jurou que não iria me contar ONDE ele proporia, já que tinha que ter alguma surpresa. E depois de o anel encomendado chegar (e isso durou quase o mês de Novembro inteiro), na sexta-feira depois do dia de Ação de Graças, nós partimos para realizar esse "ritual".

Até então, eu sabia que tinhamos que ir pro Novo México, mas não tinha muito idéia de ondem. Claro que sabia que seria algum tipo de formação natural, mas não sabia qual.

Demorou bem umas 4 horas pra gente chegar no lugar, e nesse dia estava ventando muito. Cerca de 1 hora do local escolhido pelo Aaron, foi possível notar um morro bem alto no horizonte. Foi quando ele me disse que aquele morro era na verdade um vulcão, e que o Novo México tinha váaarios vulcões. Eu encarei ele, e perguntei "Você tah me levando num vulcão?". Ele abriu um largo sorriso, o tipo de sorriso que te dá mais medo que segurança, e disse "Não nesse grandão, mas sim."

Bom, não é todod dia que você vê um vulcão, não é? Eu esqueci o nome desse primeiro que a gente viu, mas tenho uma foto dele.

Claro que os vulcões estão inativos a muuuuuito tempo (alguns milhares de anos), mas ainda é impressionante.

Impressionante é o ventania que tem por aqui.

É, tava ventando muito. E isso era só no meio do caminho.

Logo chegamos até Capulin, que faz parte de um Parque Nacional. É engraçado, mas tudo nos Estados Unidos é parque Nacional. Você paga uma taxa, visita, e o governo toma conta. De verdade, muito mais eficiente que Parque Nacional no Brasil.

Mas também a população não destrói tanto. Mesmo porque, se pegarem, você tah bem ferradinho. Mas... enfim..

Em Capulin, você pode subir de carro até a "boca"da caldera, e andar tanto em volta da boca do vulcão, quanto descer na caldeira. E assim que chegamos, o Aaron me deu as instruções:
- Eu vou pedir em casamento ali...

... e ele apontou laaah pra cima.

Eu ri alto, mas ele nao. Ele ficou olhando pra minha cara. Falei que num ia rolar, e ele me respondeu "Se vc quer tanto ficar noiva, vai ter que subir lah em cima comigo!".

Momentos assim que te fazem pensar "Pq eu quero tanto casar mesmo?". Mas, como num quero abrir mao de coisas espetaculares por preguica, ergui a cabeca e comecamos a subida.

Num deu 3 minutos e eu jah tah com frio, sem ar e de mau-humor...

"Vai, Carla, dah um sorrisinho pra mim!" "...."

Enfim, demorou o dobro do tempo pra subir lah pq a cada 10 passos eu tinha que sentar e recuperar o folego. A mistura altitude+frio+fome+gordisse dah nessas coisas.

Mas, como imaginei, valeu a pena. Alguns minutos depos estavamos na parte mais alta, onde fui presenteada com essa paisagem...

... e, dai, o Aaron me pos sentada numa pedra lah, se ajoelhou na minha frente, com o anel em maos, e disse "Carla, will you marry me?".

Eu quase cai em lagrimas. O que eh hilario, pq nos dois sabiamos tudo o que ia acontecer. Dai eu respondi "Eh, jah que num tenho escolha..." "Sim!!!".

Logo comecamos a descer, mas sem antes notar novamente onde estavamos...

Sim, um daqueles carros era nosso...

Enfim, descemos entao dali, e qdo recuperei o folego, o Aaron sugeriu de descermos na caldeira. Eu queria falar "Mas nem f#$%@...", mas... bem, novamente, eu num queria perder nada, por mais que estivesse cansada.

Recuperada da subida, me preparando pra descida....

Comecamos a descer devagar, quando um grupo de criancas passou correndo pela gente, seguidas pelos pais, que pediram desculpas pra nos.

E, obviamente, meu mau-humor voltou por algum tempo....

Pra minha sorte, era um percurso beeeeem menor que o outro, porem um pouco mais ingrime. Qdo finalmente chegamos no ponto mais baixo, tiramos uma foto pra celebrar..

E comecamos subir novamente. As crincas que tinham descido jah estavam de volta no estacionamento, correndo, pulando e gritando, enquanto eu mal conseguia andar..

Sim, era lah pra cima que tinhamos que ir, e aquelas pessoinhas sao as criancas...

Enfim, voltamos entao paro o carro, e assim acabou a nossa aventura em Capulin.

Ainda no Novo Mexico, tivemos um pequeno incidente numa Pizza Hut onde pedimos uma Pepsi e nos serviram Dr. Pepper (que eh horrivel, diga-se de passagem), e qdo pedimos pra garconete mudar, pq ela tinha nos servido errado e talz, a mulher INSISTIU que era Pepsi. Quase falei pra ela experimentar! XD

Bom, eh isso, malz pela demora =)

Vou tentar publicar mais vezes... ><

Kee'lah se'lai! (essa foi pra vc, Vivi XD)