Heyo!
Yeah, I know, it's been ages. So much so that probably I should start another blog... But then, I think it could be actually pretty great just having this update in here and, who knows, maybe I'll stick to it this time?! I dunno, but everything starts with a first step, so here we go!
I'm back here because I'm in a new stage of my life and I want to share. I feel like there's so much I want to talk about, so much I want for people to know, specially people who might go through what I did, maybe they'll find my post helpful, reassuring... maybe that they are not alone. And before we get there, no, it's not actually anything terrible. It was something I wanted for a long time, and I'm happy to get where I am, but the road there and here now is so much harder than I could have ever imagined...
I'm also writing here because just in the past few months my feelings regarding everything in my life changed so much, I wished I had written my thoughts somewhere, so I can look back and see how I was feeling back then, versus what I feel right now. Hang in there, I'll give quick updates, and in the near future I'll probably come back to explore some of these things in more detail.
Well, what happened since I last updated? .... where do I even start.... maybe I'll make a quick list with the big things in more or less chronological order.
Since my last post, I have:
1) Run 2 races, entered to a Synchronized Swimming club and competed with a team
2) Defended my thesis and got a postdoc position in Caltech, CA
3) Moved from Canada to the USA, then moved in with my now husband
4) Yes, we got married
5) Got my green card
6) Got pregnant and gave birth to the most beautiful boy (in my opinion)
7) Lost a lot of weight and gained it all back again (yay! ><)
Anyway, as you can see, that was a lot. And that is the summarized version. I'm currently learning to deal with motherhood and my career, and oh man... this is hard. And that is why I'm writing now.
Becoming a mother, while it was a dream for me, was so, so, SO HARD. Many things made it worse, like not having my Family around to help (yay pandemic.. ), not knowing ANYTHING PRACTICAL about dealing with a newborn (read as much as you want, nothing can ever prepare you..), struggling with baby blues and almost falling into the postpartum depression (or maybe having some episodes, is it normal to cry for hours at end because you can't breastfeed, you can't calm your baby, you don't know why he's crying, are you doing something wrong? Is he sick? What do I do now???)...
It was.... it was tough. And I want to write somewhere, I want to share my story, because while there are already some accounts that are a bit more raw regarding motherhood and postpartum, I want to share it was well to anyone that is struggling, anyone that may feel inadequate as I did, as I learned to deal with my precious baby, because it's not all great... actually, in the beginning very little is, but they do get better, and you can make it.
Anyway, I'm going to stop here for now. Hopefully I'll be back again really soon with more detailed posts.... but I felt like doing this today, so here it it.
See ya!
